A lot of queer women behave like the dudes we’d never date, but for some reason we just let it slide.
1) Being handsy
You pay at the door and make your way into the party. It’s already pumping and there are queer women as far as the eye can see. You spot your friends across the room and try to join them, brushing past groups of women as you go.
It’s a gauntlet; An anonymous hands reaches out to give your waist a squeeze. An old acquaintance who can’t get over how great you’re looking these days manages to find a reason to rest her hand, not quite on your bum, but not quite on your thigh either. By the end of the conversation she’s managed to do it three times.
When you finally get to your friends, they get up to give you a hug, and while they note you’ve opted to go braless under your bodysuit they casually cop a feel.
2) Objectifying women
You and your friends share feminist Youtube videos like nobody’s business. There was that one about the catcalling and then the other about street harassment, but if you step into a queue at the checkout counter, walk down the street, or go to a bar with them, the minute an attractive women walks past they stop dead in their tracks, pull their shades off and say something wildly inappropriate like,
“One night with me and she’d never go back.”
3) Making sweeping generalisations
In the same way that being part of a minority gives minority comedians carte blanche for self deprecating humour, both being and dating women gives queer women free reign to say whatever the hell they like. Get a bunch of them together and it won’t take long before someone sighs, shakes their head in knowing exasperation and starts a rant with the words, “Women, hey?”
4) Hanging out in the ladies locker room
When you got your subscription to the women’s only gym, the only male member of staff gave you the tour of the place. A good two meters from the entrance to the locker room and spa facilities he cut his spiel short and mumbled something about, “No men allowed beyond this point.”
You on the other hand casually strolled into the steamy locker room where women in various states of undress were blow drying their hair, moisturizing their skin and tying their shoelaces…
But luckily, you’re not the type to stop dead in your tracks and pull your shades off.
Got any other examples? Share yours in the comments!